epilogue
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The first thought Shinji had was that if he opened his eyes to find white ceilings, he would close them, roll over, and never bother waking up again.
The room was not white, and too dim to relate to memory, a bit of early morning light peeping beneath the bottom of the blinds. Not a hospital, didn’t smell like one, not even before the body nestled against his sighed, and murmured, and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. Kaworu smelled like no other creature in the world, and Shinji let out a tiny gasp as everything came back to him, nearly shaking with the force of it. The battle seemed strange and dreamlike, compared to the quiet peace of the room surrounding him.
//Am I dead?// He had little doubt Kaworu would find him, wherever he went, so the angel’s presence was no answer to the question.
A vase rested on the corner of his table, a few sprigs of Queen Anne’s Lace resting inside. He wondered who had put them there, or when.
//How strange. I think I might still be alive.//
The nice thing about being half asleep was how easy it was to stay half asleep. Shinji wasn’t sure how long he lay there, unsure of whether he was alive or dead and not really caring all that much. Kaworu’s fingers finally flexed and curled in the hollows in his side, soft red eyes opening to look at him. Shinji laughed a little at the sleepy gaze, the angel usually so aware.
“It’s still odd, to think that you sleep like I do.” Well, almost like he did. Being an angel meant Kaworu didn’t have nearly so many problems with bed head. The thought made him smile. God, he felt normal. Better than normal. It was easy enough to remember what had happened, all the memories of the fight still there, but Shinji could keep it at a distance, and it didn’t hurt.
“I think we’re supposed to be dead. Well, at least I am. Is this heaven?”
The wry smile loomed closer, and he was thoroughly kissed in place of an answer, and Shinji decided the question really didn’t have much merit, or interest anyway, and abandoned it in favor of the miracle of wrapping his arms around Kaworu and kissing him back. A much better use of his time, whether he was dead or not.
The wet puppy tongue that lapped at his toes was much less than perfection, and Shinji grimaced, listening to Virgil yap and growl, tugging on the edge of the blankets until Kaworu leaned over the side of the bed, grabbing up a tennis ball from the floor and throwing it out into the hall. Shinji heard the fading of paws on the floor, a thud against the hallway wall as, once again, Virgil was too overzealous for his agility.
“All the Dominions are gone. It’s over, isn’t it?” It didn’t really sound like his voice saying the words, because he never quite thought he’d say them.
“Every nation in the world was on alert, when the Cores ignited. Most of the Western Hemisphere could see the blast.” Nothing in the angel’s tone to suggest it, but Shinji thought he might have been at least a little proud of the fact.
“Mm.” Shinji rolled over, enjoying the feel of Kaworu’s fingertips against the top of his spine, trying to think of what he should talk about, in this new, normal life. “Do you want me to make breakfast? I mean, it is morning, isn’t it?”
Kaworu nodded. “You haven’t been sleeping long. No one’s even thought to look here yet, besides us.”
It was an annoyance, the thought that they would eventually be disturbed, but little more than that. Shinji was astonished, how easy it was to think of all those formerly unstoppable figures in his life as merely irritating, and nothing more. Was this it then, was it all finally over?
The true scope of it hit him like a sudden gust of wind, and Shinji found he could barely breathe, shivering against a spate of goose bumps that quickly calmed beneath Kaworu’s hands.
“Brigid and Ben...”
The angel nibbled at his ear a little, thoroughly undaunted by Shinji’s disbelief in happy endings.
“Everyone’s fine.”
No, not exactly. Toby was dead, and Vara – Zadkiel, she’d returned to wherever it was, or /whatever/...
//Toby wanted it. It hurt too much, not to make that sacrifice, to be the one left standing. It was too much for her.//
Shinji knew too well what that felt like, and only hoped she’d found some peace in the last moments. Whatever forgiveness or penance there was, she’d finally found her peace.
“Vara... Zadkiel, she told me to tell you -”
“I know.”
Shinji cuddled against a sturdy back, as Kaworu drew an arm around him. “I thought you might.”
So here he was, then. Curled quite happily with his beautiful angel, who loved him more than all the heavenly host. Misato and Asuka were sure to show up eventually, along with the remains of NERVE and SEELE, though that world had been shattered so many times now that Shinji couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to piece it together. It would be all right – he’d never had reason to think it before now, and it was pure bliss to let it truly sink in.
Free. He was finally free.
It wasn’t until Kaworu slid his hand up against Shinji’s own, twining their fingers together, that Shinji realized what he had been softly humming, all along.